I Didn’t Expect Space To Feel Like This...
Well hello there friends, long time no chatting.
How are you?
How’s life?
What’s happening?
Did you know tomorrow is three weeks since I moved in?
I feel like we’ve missed a slight chapter here because it’s been a while…
But we finally bought a house. (EEEEEEEK!!!)
And we’ve been here for three weeks already.
Three weeks is obviously not a long time. Not really. Not in house terms anyway.
Not when there are still boxes absolutely everywhere, basically half the house still needs a deep clean, walls are being stripped of wallpaper, and about 500 little jobs turn into 50 big jobs, which then somehow split again into creating another 5 jobs each… and apparently I feel the need to fit them all onto one grand list. LOL
Yep… can you sense the overwhelm?
That being said, three weeks does feel like long enough for something to have shifted a bit.
Not in a huge crazy way. More so in those quieter ways that sneak up on you.
I think that’s what I’ve been noticing the most really... Not that everything is suddenly sorted, because it very much isn’t, and frankly that’s a several-years job, not weeks or months… But that there is space now in a way there wasn’t before.
Mostly… space to think.
But alsospace to leave things out.
Space to come back to things....Space to exist.
Space to not have every little idea immediately swallowed up by the fact there was physically nowhere for it to go.
And I don’t think I realised how much that had been affecting me until it wasn’t anymore.
It’s strange, because I think for a long time I imagined space as this practical thing. Like… more room, more storage, more surfaces, more places to put stuff.
And it is that. Or will be that. Obbbbbbviously.
But it’s also more than that too.
It’s mental space.
It’s the feeling of your brain not being quite so pinned in all the time.
It’s catching yourself thinking, oh… I could actually make that here.
I could leave that there and it would still be the same when I came back to it.
The systems my brain needs can actually remain in place.
I could start something and not have to pack it away five minutes later.
That’s the bit that feels new. I almost dont know HOW to take up space. I still cant get comfortable sitting in the living room. I dont know if its because the carpet stinks or because I've basically never not been a bedroom child. Which is odd to say as a 30 something year old woman.
But... in the last couple of weeks I’ve caught myself just existing and thinking about crafts again. Not in a big serious way, because frankly the main craft I’ve got going on right now is making this place liveable and my OCD cleaning brain not want to fall off a cliff ahaaaa.
But crafts in a way that isn’t “right, new era, full relaunch, LETS GOOO.”
Just little thoughts. Little sparks.
The sort of thoughts that make you go… ohhh, maybe that part of me is still in there after all.
And yaaaaaaaas… candles have crossed my mind too.
Very gently. Very quietly. Not as some crazzzy shiny announcement. More like seeing an old friend in the distance and thinking… ah, there you are.
Which has actually been really nice because it feels real.
Like for so long it was “when this happens... when I get space... when we get a house…”
And here that moment is.
And even if that doesn’t mean a crafting room right now, or candles right now, or even the sewing machine existing in this house yet…
it still makes me a bit emotional, if I’m honest.
Do you know what I mean?
Because I think when life gets small, or hard, or cramped in every possible sense, parts of you do go a bit quiet.
Not gone. Just quietttt.
You don’t always have the room for them. Or frankly the energy. Or even the brain space.
So I think what this new season feels like, at least so far, is not some big transformation.
It feels more like room to hear myself again.
Room for the bits of life that don’t just revolve around getting through the day.
And after how long it’s taken to get here, I don’t really want to rush past that.
Three weeks in is still early days.
The house feels like a work in progress because it is.
I still feel like I’m settling into it because I am.
But there is something really lovely in noticing that possibility has started creeping back in.
And for now… I think that’s more than enough. Right?
Much love, one step at a time.
Jazz x
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